ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
