a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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