I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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