I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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