if i died would you start the facebook group?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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