Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
