I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize