Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
