I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
