If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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