Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
