so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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