I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
