It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
