I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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