He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
