Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
