Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
