Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
