A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
