We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
