I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
