god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
