life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
