It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
