***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
