her vagine was all disorganized.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
