like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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