so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
