She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
