Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
