Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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