I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
