So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
They should really pass out barf bags in church
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
