just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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