hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm like, not good at living.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
