Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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