nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
