You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
