Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
