fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
