The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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