Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My life is pants optional.
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