I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
