from now on my penis is your penis
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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