I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
