You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
