i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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