I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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