The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
