I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
