it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
