I want to have your abortion
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
