The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
