So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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