I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
