So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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