In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
