my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
