I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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