I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
