So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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