New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
