He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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