Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
