...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
