I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
