last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They took my balls.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
