Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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