Pregnant stripper...not hot.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
