dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
