Don't make out with my wife yet
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
