You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
