So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
