im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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